Well it has been awhile since I've updated about MCOKC, so here it goes. Wow, God has been doing so much and speaking a lot to us. We are beginning to own some of the prophetic words that have been given to us. It's exciting, because we are seeing that this is really a prophetic class. God has raised our level of desperation. We are desperate for Him and for unity. We have seen some strategies of the enemy to bring us down or tear us apart or keep us from being all we are called to be, so now we know how we can fight. We have Thanksgiving break this coming week, and only one of the students will be going home. Thanks again if you've been praying. We could always use prayer!

When I am alone
Here with you I'll sit at your throne.
I know that you don't even care
What time of day, as long as I'm here.

You draw me in
As if I've never sinned
And all I know
Is I'm your child.

There is no fear
Because you want me here.
You long to be close
To your created.

Your heart beats
The rhythm of my life.
Your message speaks
Of love.
You stand outside
Of this space and time
And everything you are and have
Is mine.

What can I say
To the faithful way
You pick me up
When I fall
And go astray?
I will never leave you
Never, ever leave you.
All I want is to hear
You breathe.

I will never leave you
For you have never left me
And I know you never will.

Well, it is Friday, and because Larissa is in Kirkland, we have the day off for the most part. The week went well, I think. Last night we had a time of worship and prayer with MC and youth at Covenant Life Church (where we also have class every day). The focus was on healing and our nation. As I am in charge of prophetic painting this year, I set up a couple easels for anyone who wanted to paint, and I ended up being one of them. It was really cool how God tied in my painting (as well as Frances') with the songs, prayers, and scriptures that were read. It's really cool, because just recently I have begun to see something change in the MC students. It's like God is softening them and they are finally becoming more comfortable with all of us. I think they are learning to trust and be free. God is doing great things down here; thank you so much for your prayers!!

We have officially inducted this year's 3 students and anticipation for what the year will hold is growing! Many words have been spoken over the year and there have been many confirmations already. We really see this as a building year. The foundation has been laid, now it's time to build. Also, this is going to be a healing and restoring year. God wants to rain on the dry ground. Last night we had our sharing time at the Cunkle's house. All the graduates got to share and then the students. It was awsome because all 3 students were open about what they wanted from this year and they all believe that God wants them here. That is very definitely a good start! Though it will be hard at times, I believe God is going to help us take off running. And we will continure to prepare the way for the coming years. It is amazing to be a part of this vision. Thank you for your prayers!

Well, I am here in OKC. It is nice and warm outside, though I have not gotten many chances to be out there. This week is intern training/preparation time. We have been hearing a lot from God as to the direction he wants to take us this year and have been getting to know each other better within the new staff. We have seen how he has sovereignly joined us specifically for this year. We've also been working on getting everything ready for the students to come and preparing the way in prayer. We are excited to welcome them this weekend. If you would like to pray for us, pray for greater unity in the churches and in the MC staff, pray that God's love would be poured out on us and hence on the students, pray for guidance and a continued sensitivity to what the Holy Spirit is doing, and just a willingness in all of us to give God control and let him direct our steps. I greatly appreciate it, and I know Pastor Dwight and the rest of the staff do as well.

So I begin a new journey. God recently told me that he wants to take me somewhere, and that I should just follow him wherever he leads me. Well, he has, and this is just another step. I leave tomorrow morning for Oklahoma City. I know a little bit of what to expect but not completely, as there yet remain mysteries such as who I'm to stay with. But I trust the Lord. He is my eyes. He sees what I can't. And I'm holding onto him. I know this year will bring many things, and I anticipate much. If you get the chance, say a prayer for this year's coming Master's Commission class and staff for OKC. Thanks for being a part of this journey.

When feelings of inadequacy are replaced with a heart of compassion, a hero is born. What matters more than what we feel is what we really are. There is a God up above who sees a completely different view of what we look at every day. He looks at us and sees those he has chosen, not those who are unworthy. He will turn our hearts. We just have to let him.

Life

Well, here I am. I stand in hope and yet feel and overwhelming sense of urgency. It's an urgency for change--change in my heart, change in the way I think, change in what goes on around me, change in the people who need love the most. Sometimes I don't care, but I do. There is a deep compassion impressed upon my heart. My daddy's love fills me until I can't contain it anymore and I have nowhere to let it out. But I do, of course. I just don't always make the choice to love. I need to be like Jesus--it wasn't so much of a choice for him--it was just who He was. If He is love, I am also called to be love. I feel Him chasing me down. Sometimes He catches me and holds me close. It is the most safe feeling in the world, as He covers my head and presses it gently but firmly to his chest, as He bends down and kisses me. I am safe and dearly loved in the folds of His garments and in His strong arms. I am holding onto Him, and sometimes I start to let go, but I can't. He won't let me. He doesn't want me to give up on Him, and I won't, for He has not given up on me. He is so good, proving himself faithful once again and exposing the ridiculousness of my own doubts. I could never doubt His goodness, and yet I do becuase I have reduced him into my futile mind. This is where the change must come. This is where the humbling must take place. For I have been chosen, and I don't know exactly why, but I am beyond thankful for this commission. And all that matters is that He delights in me. I will hence live for Him and delight myself in who He is. This is my greatest joy. May I not fall into the overwhelming sea of emotions that try to steal my hope for a brighter day and a renewed life. For He has overcome all in me.

My Generation (a song)

I can feel the desperation
Seeping through my pores at night.
I can hear my generation
Hopelessly dying in their plight.

I can sense anticipation
Growing stronger in my veins
I know there's a visitation
Coming down to heal the pain

Hearts are breaking
Hands are shaking
People searching
For true life
Desperation
Is our motivation
To deny
Tormenting lies

I can't get you off my mind
For you're the only one who died
To save a people lost and blind
Children of a Father who is kind

I'm cryin'
I'm pleadin'
I'm screamin'
Oh come inside!
For my
Generation
Is hungry
For yourlife!

So, for those of you who read this and want to know, I just felt I should share a bit of what God has been doing in my life in the past months and now. Think of it as a "pause and reflect" moment. Wow, where do I start? God is taking me on a journey. It's a journey that require much trust, faith, hope, you know, all of those believing type virtues. Many times I find myself not able to see past what's in front of me. It's like there is a wall there, and all I can do is follow God blindly and trust that He knows what He's doing. I tend to try to take things into my own hands, even without trying. I want to be in control. I want to know what's going on, I want to know what my future looks like, I want to change what I don't like about my life, and sometimes I even think I can keep myself from getting sick, that I can control my own body. But no, I find I have failed at all these things, because trying doesn't work. I am learning to let go. At times it seems a slow process. At this point in time I don't even know everything I am holding onto. But God shows me things bit by bit and is helping me to give them up. New freedom comes every time and a burden is lifted. I've realized how many burdens I carry that I was never meant to carry. Christ's yoke is easy and his burden is light, and that's a promise, one that I don't always believe. Along with all of this, God is revealing his heart to me more and more and filling me with new passions I have never felt before. There are moments when I can see people at least a little bit the way He does, and my heart breaks. There is this longing in me to reach these people, to just show them, somehow that God loves them relentlessly, just like He loves me. That's another thing--this past year God's love has relentlessly pursued me, even when I was not looking for it, even in those times of despair where I felt like I could never change or I wasn't bold enough or I just wasn't living like I wanted to--God's love brings all that into perspective. He picks me back up and tells me He's proud of me and sends a little word of encouragement through a person or whatever, and then He tells me that He's rooting for me--actually, that all of Heaven is rooting for me! Now that's a picture! I know I am in a training season, and I think it won't end anytime soon. And even though a lot of times I feel like I'm losing ground, I think there's a lot I don't see. And I think there is more hope than I realize. I'm gonna keep holding on, because I'm in love with God and He has so much He has commissioned me to do, and I want to do it, with all my heart. Right now, I've got to stay humble and broken and keep trusting him to take me on this journey, even when I can't see that far ahead of me.

It's my birthday, and I just have to reflect on the goodness of God. Wow. Sometimes that's all I can say. I mean, despite all the difficulties in my life, He has been there with me through it all. He has constantly proven himself faithful whether I trust him or not. He has filled me, changed me, used me. I am so grateful. But I know I don't express it enough. I am alive for a reason. I have lived to see another year for a reason. Life is a journey of discovering what that reason is and acting on it. I want God to do so much through my life. For this to happen I've got to let him keep changing me and leading me through the waters and the fire and the rain and the sunshine. But isn't life exciting? I mean, gosh, I want to live to the fullest, for this is what God has for me. And then, I want to impart that life to others. I may not do this all the time, but it's what I want, and it's what is possible. Be blessed, and live fully!

The song of my heart..at least part of it!

To be put to music...

You've rocked me Lord
I can't be bored
You helped me soar
And now I'm sure

That I'm in love
In love with one who's up above
I'm so full
To the top
I'm overflowing
God, this rocks!
Don't let it stop
I want all you've got!

For my birthday, Lord
Do you know what I want?
I want you,
And everthing
You have to give
For this is why I live.

I want to give
Away all that you've given me
So fill my days
With your praise
I'll sing for you
I'll dance with you
Until everything around me
Becomes new

I love you!

Do you ever just feel like giving up? Like you just can't live this life you've committed yourself to living? I do, all the time. But I can't. I can't. There is something that makes me hold on, and I cannot bring myself to give up, not when I see what's at stake, not when I remember who I am and how God has loved me and even used me. And because He wants to use me more, because He needs to use me right now, I just can't give up. Hold on. Hold on. He'll pull you through when you can't move, when you feel like a failure. Just know that He sees you differently. He holds your tears, He receives your repentance. His love overshadows all of that. If only we could see. Let's hold on long enough to see Him come through. Because He does, time and time again. I love you Lord...

Spontaneous 2

So, I was just sitting down to write some more of my book, and I felt like God wanted me to write a blog instead. It has been a while. I have been listening lately to the soundtrack from "Passion of the Christ." It's incredible how music can add power to something. It inspires me to write, I get amazing vived pictures in my head that give me the chills. I mean, it's not all music; it's definitely God, but I love how he uses things like that. He combines all our gifts. Think about what God could do if all the Christians were to truly recognize their potential and believe what God has called them to do and given them the gift for! If we merged all our God-given gifts and did not restrain ourselves, it's hard to imagine what would happen--some kind of explosion of glory, power, love, and revival I suppose. What if we (just the Christians--those who believe in God as their savior) were to live life not aware of ourselves? Like we jus follow Jesus and do what he says and speak what he speaks and obey every prompting he puts on our hearts because we just love him and we really don't care about ourselves? What if we were to live for him to the point of death because he is all we cared about? What if this is not just all a what if? If we can imagine it, why can't it happen? We all know we were meant to live for so much more. What if so much more means letting go and just being swept away by God into whatever he is doing? Giving up control. Talk about true freedom! What could happen to our world if we began to live this way? Whoa...

I can feel His favor today. The air is charged with it. I don't know how to describe it, but at this very moment God is doing something so huge that we can only barely grasp it. And just think, He is using us as a part of His grand plan! Haha. I love how God plans and schemes. He is so brilliant. It is brilliance mixed with love. Whoever reads this, whatever day it is, know that the very favor of God is with you today! You are His child! And who can stop a child of God? What a beautiful story we get to be a part of today!

He is so near. I can almost feel him everywhere. But what is this in front of me? It is taking my mind away and hindering the truth. No, I will not accept it. I will not live bound and afraid. Look! What is that beyond the horizon? It's a light! Ha! I can see, I can hear, I can let go of every fear. For he is here. he surrounds me. He gives me a big hug. He holds me with passionate purity. There is no one more clean. There is no one more good. There is nothing that could remotely compare with this intensity, with this incomprehensible joy. Flood us. Take us. We are yours. We will not deny who we are, but we will search you so you can tell us what is really true about our lives. We trust you, and you alone. We have the best dad in the whole world! Woo Hoo!

Silent Cries

These silent cries
Come from deep inside.
These desperate screams
Lack a voice.
These eyes, they speak
More than words could tell.
How will they see
That they can get out of this hell?

The tears, they fall
One by one
For every broken daughter,
Every longing son.
For all they ever knew
Was everything that wasn't true.

These hands, they reach
For something real.
These hearts, they bleed
What do you feel?

These bodies ache,
These lives at stake!
What will it take?
Have we made a mistake?

This place is dark,
So void of light
With every heart
Bound in utter fright.

Bring forth the day!
Lead us out of this fray!
Stop the pain.
Right here we call on your name.
Right now, where we're at, we pray.
We want to hear what you have to say.

Above (Revival Culture)

Take us above
Lead us beyond
For get this pain,
Leave behind these bonds!
You took it all,
It's done, it's over.
Now we can live in your overcoming power.

But the hurt is real,
The darkness stings,
These doubts, they steal
From who we are meant to be!

"Write, fly! Let it all go!
Let Me give you My sweet tears
But take away all your fears.
The pain is not yours to hold
So let My love and joy unfold.
Dance, run, smile, and just be
The child you are to Me.

Hold My heart
Near to yours.
Protect it, My child
With innocence, with calm,
With peace in this war.
For nothing can touch you
When there is no fear and no shame
Imprinted on your glorious face."

Be

Do you ever just want to sit down, let your mind go, and just breathe? Like that's all you have to do, is just breathe. Just be. Be loved. Be excited. Be filled. Be passionate. Be a daughter or a son. We do things that make us happy, but what about being? What are we when we are doing absolutely nothing? Do we still matter? All I know is that I will never stop being loved. I'm loved because God is a lover, not because I am or I do something special. It can be so difficult to fit our minds around, but that's why sometimes we've just got to live past the mind thing. We were meant for a different dimension. Where is this dimension? It's right here. So just sit down, let it all go and fall off, and breathe in the goodness of the one who loves you just as you are. Right now. No matter what. And be here.

Spontaneous

I am sitting down writing not really knowing what I am going to write. Usually on here I just write something that I've already written. Well, I thought I'd try something different.
Do you ever just feel like sighing? It's not a bad thing really. It helps you think. It's the calm after the storm, that moment we get to reflect on everything that's happening. I don't feel like I get those moments that often, but I love it when I do. Life is crazy, but we've got to slow down. Take everything in stride. Stop and listen. Receive peace and keep living. Keep trusting, trusting that someday soon we'll wake up and see that there is so much more to life. If you don't want to live the way you are now, you don't have to. Cry out to God. He'll give you what you could never ever conjure up on your own. And what He has to give is life. It's really life. And this life comes with a peace that doesn't exist in an earthly frame of mind. I just want to let God carry me in his wind. He knows where I need to go, what I need to do, and who I need to be. And I can rest assured. Blessings to you all, and may the peace of Christ rule in your hearts as you trust in him. And may God constantly wreck you with his undying love.

Beauty Speaks, Freedom shouts

The beauty, it speaks to me like no other. Every movement, every definition of every living thing produces longing in my soul. You're sending me your signs of love all day long, but I don't always see it. Your messages to your bride are bold, but we are blind. Open our eyes! We want to see reality. We want to hear the songs of Heaven, to smell the fragrance of glory, to touch the power of miracles, and to taste the sweetness of your presence. Break us beyond this thin veil we live under into the realms we've only imagined and dreamed about. Help us to see the light in our friends' eyes, to receive the peace of an embrace, and to dance like there's no one around. Freedom. Freedom. Freedom! It's growing from a whisper into a war cry! And we are not alone. We are an army. May we stop acting like civilians, denying who we know we were always meant to be! We will carry the banner of your love high...together...for your glory.

Youth Leaders Retreat 3/8/08, New

My heart beats faster
As I'm caught up in the wind of your love.
I can't contain it,
This new fire that burns and lingers
And flows through my veins to the ends of my fingers.
You are doing a new thing.
We can almost hear you sing
As you cover your children with your wings.
I feel your wind swirling through my ears.
I can smell the beauty of your tears.
I can see the wonder of your love.
You are taking us above,
Above all fear and doubt,
For you are what it's all about!
You're taking us up,
Up the mountain,
As your passion holds our hand.
Father, forever we will stand!

Father's Stand-Worship at Firestorm Weekend

"Your hand inside of mine
I stand here by your side.
My heart beats next to your chest.
In me will you find rest.
My tears are falling down
And cleansing every wound.
Let them touch your cheek
And soak you to the pore.
My love enwraps you
Like a white flowing robe,
Like a river of raging waters
Engulfing every son and daughter.
Your hand inside of mine,
I will never let you go.
You are always mine,
And I am always who I am.
So never be afraid,
Just look into my eyes,
And wonder at the love,
The love that never dies!"

Open Hand-RC 1/4/08

"Jesus!" We cry out your name.
When there's nothing left, there is you.
You hear our cries we raise to you.
You see our undying passion,
And you beckon us to take your hand.
And now we run, hand in hand
As you take us somewhere
Where you will show us
Secrets little known to man
That you've always longed to share.
You're looking for the true sons, the true daughters.
I don't know what you've found in me,
But I know there's a reason you've set me free,
And it's beyond me.
I'm surrounded by your heart of love.
It feels like a suction, like an ocean.
It feels like goosebumps, like a drum beating to awaken,
To awaken the life inside we never knew.
And we don't know what to do,
For we are overtaken,
Our very being has been shaken
By God Himself, who became a man
To show us the kind of life we could have
If we'd only hear the unheard sound of Heaven
And take His open hand.

Kneeling Here-Revival Culture 1/4/08

I kneel here, fallen at your feet, letting my tears of pain and desperation fall gently on the earth. But you bend down and take my face in your hands. You look into my shamed eyes and tell me the truth. "I have not forgotten you!" Then you begin to laugh, and I with you, as your sweet breath washes over me and makes everything new. The love in your eyes, in your face, is indescribable in every way. I can see how you long for your children to be free--for every one to be yours. This is why your heart beats. This is why when you look at us it's only your Son you see. Give me your heart, too, for I only long for the truth. You are the truth. You are love. The truth is love. This love has no match, and it's one only you can dispatch.