Chosen-12/15/07

I didn’t understand how I had gotten to this point. I just came to watch, I thought. I just came to watch because nearly everyone came to watch. Something was happening, something significant. I didn’t really know the ramifications of such an event, but I knew something important was happening, and I had to be a part of it. So I took my family along and we watched. When I first saw the man I immediately wished I hadn’t brought my young wife and children. My youngest broke out crying at the sight. I wasn’t sure if it was fear at the image before her or because something had stirred her little heart that the tears streamed down her dusty face. I say this because I myself was moved by a force I assure you I cannot explain. Was it love, pain, fear, sympathy, or just the utter confusion of a moment that somehow I knew could not end here? Would not end here. How I was so sure, I did not know. But soon enough, my life would be changed forever. It all began when a deep commanding voice cut through my thoughts and brought me back to my present surroundings. A man was calling me out of the crowd. The fierce looking soldier pointed a strong finger at me and said, “Hey, you!” My eyes were drawn to the voice, and all I saw at first was that finger. My heart skipped a beat, for such a display was far beyond any expectation of mine. I was just a bystander. Just an innocent bystander who should really take his family back home, away from the noise and turmoil. But I couldn’t now, not after being selected like this. Why me? Only God knows. I heard my wife gasp and felt her clutch onto my arm as the soldier practically dragged me out onto the street by my tunic. Before I could react, I was thrown into the man. Then the soldier pointed that finger at him and screamed in my ear, nearly deafening me. “Help him! Now!” Dazed, I hastily stood to my feet and secretly questioned both God and myself as I stared at the fresh blood which had stained my once plain tunic. It was not my blood. No, it was the man’s blood. And I was covered with it, and would soon be drenched if I obeyed the soldier’s orders and actually stood next to this man to help him share the heavy load. But after a light kick to the gut, I proceeded without further hesitation. The condemned man, beaten to a pulp and clearly in unprecedented pain, had collapsed to the ground, despite the jeering of the crowd and the prodding of the impatient soldiers. When a soul can’t go on, it can’t go on. That’s why they chose me to help him. So I lifted him up with a grunt and let his right arm drape around my shoulder before I hefted the burden upon both of our backs. It was not easy to carry, I could see that now. I don’t know how this weakened man had done it at all. He was half dead, for heaven’s sake! So we trudged along just so, strangers, one a prisoner destined to die, and me. Just me. Nothing special. Who was I anyway? Suddenly I heard the half dead man beside me utter some sort of faint cry. It made me look at him, which I attempted to avoid before. But we met eyes, and for a second I could not unlock my gaze. Those eyes! There was something about those eyes! One was halfway swollen shut, but it didn’t matter. Time stood still, and at that moment I knew. I knew this man was innocent. I wanted to scream it out for everyone to hear- every mocker, every filthy person who spit in his face and feet, everyone who ever brought defilement to this pure man. “He’s innocent!” But I didn’t. Instead I walked along in silence, as a power I’ve never felt before penetrated my heart through the eyes of this man. This man. Who was this man? Why would he die today? Could I do something to help him besides sharing his load? I only wished I could. But that was it—it seemed it was all he expected me to do anyway. There was no fear in this man’s eyes, no uncertainty. Pain was written all over his face and torn up body, but it was almost pain mixed with love. He was speaking unspoken words to me, just by looking at me. Who could do that? I mean, who could really do that? I was about to cry as I realized we were finally at the top of the hill. Then I noticed everyone around me, mostly the angry soldiers. The crowd had slowly dwindled as we climbed. I had momentarily shifted my gaze away from the prisoner’s eyes, but then they locked again. Before I knew it a strong hand had grabbed the back of my tunic, and I was tossed aside, apparently no longer useful. I scrambled to my feet, but I didn’t want to leave. I heard the soldier say, “You can go now.” But I didn’t. My eyes were still hooked, and I saw the man mouth these words to me, to my great surprise: “I love you, my son.” After that I turned away to go find my family and make sure they were safe, but not before letting a tear escape from my glistening eye. I knew what they were going to do to him, and I didn’t want to think about it. I didn’t know what happened back there, really. But I know that it was real, and I know that I will never be the same.